honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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