Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
