You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
