just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
