He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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