if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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