Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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