it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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