My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
