I think I am morally bankrupt
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
