nut hugger
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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