Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Actions speak louder than pants.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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