is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
