census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
