U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
