My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
