At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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