you're like a bully in the Christmas story
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
