If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
