she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
