I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
