Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
