Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
