I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
