you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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