she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
