Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
