they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
