I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
