Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
