I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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