You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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