I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
