There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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