Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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