Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
