Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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