Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
