i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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