So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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