The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
