I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
