it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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