dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she peed on how many people?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
