he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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