I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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