Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
