You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
