I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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