im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
