we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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