OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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