I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
