Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you inspire me to be a worse person
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
