i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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