I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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