Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
