He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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