my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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