every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
